At New York Kennedy airport, an individual later discovered to be a school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square and a calculator. US Attorney General John Ashcroft believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He is being charged with possessing weapons of maths instruction. "Al-gebra is a very fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on a tangent in search of ab absolute value. They consist of shadowy figures, with names like 'x' and 'y', and, although they are frequently referred to as 'unknowns', we know they belong to a common denominator and are part of the axis of mediaeval with co-ordinates in every country. As the great Greek philandered Isoceles used to say, there are three sides to every triangle." Asked to comment on the arrest, President George W. Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of maths instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.".